Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
