There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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