k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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