That's when you crack a 10am beer
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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