i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I only lived at night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
