Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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