Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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