I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
