Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
