I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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