moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
two words...techno handjob
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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