i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
40s are totally the cure
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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