You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
