There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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