In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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