The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
