Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
