i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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