the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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