no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
