you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
