i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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