I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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