i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
