how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
