"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize