I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
