I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
