Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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