Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize