just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
