you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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