Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
