Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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