Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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