shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
