dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
