I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
