oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
