Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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