just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this is an emotional support booty call
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
God I need to hump something, right now.
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