when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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