I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
