he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you win again, gameday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
