Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
