He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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