I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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