I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
