did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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