i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so much tequila, so little girl.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
