everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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