tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
