Tell her she can't have a vagina
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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