be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
