omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
