Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
