I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
