so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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