ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
