i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
