I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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