new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
