sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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