You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
